I wonder

I wonder if you'll be there

To welcome me home

When I knock on your door

All alone

I wonder if I'll be able

To find the right door

But won't you be there already

Ready to take me with you?

And won't you know by my voice

How much I've missed you?

I wonder if I'll see a young boy

Ready to show me his world

Or will I see a frail old man

Ready to tell me a thousand stories

I wouldn't mind

If you could say nothing at all

I just want to see you smile

I just want you to smile with your eyes

I wonder if I'll get to know you now

Like I've known you all my life

I wonder if you're the same man

That I created in my mind

And together we'll re-live

All the memories of long ago

And we'll share all the bottled-up messages

That the tides of time washed ashore

I wonder if you'll wait for me

Like I'm waiting for you

No matter how long it takes

I'll be waiting to see you

Absolution

When the daylight is long gone
You crawl out into the darkness
Making your way to your favorite place
Where you sing and they listen
Where you talk and they understand
Where you take off your mask
And nobody hates your face
And when the children of the night come out
They watch you go to work
Digging, you keep digging
You can feel hollow eyes staring at you
People watching in silent admiration
Rotting teeth twisted into eerie smiles
And you keep digging, singing
Down goes your shovel, hitting the dirt
Uncovering one coffin after another
Torn clothes covering skeletons
But that is not what you see
You gaze at beautiful faces
Twinkling eyes and pretty dresses
They are real, they are alive
They talk to you in your mind
You touch not the hollow bones
But the soft skin of fair people
And you know there will be a day
When you come for the last time
Your shovel will hit the earth again
But this time it will be a new grave
And you'll relish every moment
Every blister on your palms
A sweet goodbye to the silent woods
A joyous celebration of the night
Farewell to the only friends you have
You'll dig, and dig, and dig
And when you'll lie down
It will be pleasure, in and out
That is when you will finally rest
And let the corpses sleep

Nightmares

Eyes tight shut, but your brain won't shut up
The tantalizing lap of sleep, eludes you
These morbid thoughts of life and death
The heavy darkness weighing down upon you
Trespassing into your mind
While the voices in your head keep screaming
Interfering while you are dreaming
The water dripping onto the cold bathroom floor
The sheets are becoming too hot, too hot
Tiny needles pricking you hard
Your body keeps tossing and turning
And just as you find blissful sleep
The dripping water turns into a flood
And you are drowning
The safety of the bed disintegrating like sand
Its pulling you under again
You're lying there now, motionless
Its a bed of human skeletons
People with blank faces and sunken eyes
Their lips move in silent speech
Your own mouth sewn shut
Run, run, the voices shout in your head
Your numb legs refusing to move
The sheets have become too cold, too cold
You're soaked in sweat, eyes tight shut
There's a slow wail somewhere far away
And then you wake up

Hands

I know why you keep your hands
Curled tightly by your sides
I have seen your cracked nails
The scratches that your fingers hide

What are you ashamed of, I ask?
Those manicured hands are nothing next to you
You have earned each of your scars
And that makes you so beautiful

Yours are the hands that fed me
Wiped my tears when I was hurt
The only hands always there for me
Waiting to catch me when I hit the dirt

Your hands that work day and night
Just to make it easy for me
I see you looking at the others
But they have never loved me

Their hands, I say, are useless
As the beauty of a thorn covered rose
Never have they touched the soft mud after rain
An empty life that they chose

Never touched a child's burning forehead
Never played with the fire of a stove
Gloved that they are, covered by ignorance
Never have they felt love

They won't be able to pull me up
Only your strong fingers can
Hold them aloft for the world to see
Ma, please don't hide your hands

The Fallen Angel

They slit my throat and skinned me alive
Took my blood and drenched the city in it
Cut me into pieces and threw me away
Now the brutal vultures feed on me everyday
They don't see that I still live
I still feel them tearing into me
Oh! Let it come, the pain and the grief
I want to burn, give me the relief
They take my flesh bit by bit
I yearn for fire, let me burn and be gone
The people are blind, they do not see
Here I lie, but no one believes
Look at my broken hands clutching at your boots
Please don't shake me off again
Oh, do you not know, you have taken my blood
It runs in your veins, in your city
In your very heart, it is keeping you alive
And yet here I die
Yet your people do not believe
Let them believe, let them be free
Why don't you come closer?
You just stare at the mutilated body
The tattered wings, distorted reality
The figure in white, drained of blood
Come closer, let me whisper in your ear
The soft songs of warmth and love
Let me sing to you, for you are lost
Listen to me, before I float away forever
Before they take from me
Every last bit of the gruesome flesh
My only token of the mortal life
Here I die tonight
Bloody fingers still clutching at your boots
Kneel by my side, breathe my life
Take me in, the Blood City is falling
Let me float away

Naked

I stand here before you
I'm hiding nothing
Then why do you refuse to see
The truth that's staring you in your face
I stand naked before you
And I want you to see
Look at me as I uncover myself
Please don't look away
Look into my naked soul
And see what you've always sought
Look at me as a whole
Don't cover me with your scorn
Peel off your doubts
And strip off your expectations
And then you will see me
For who I am
And not what you want me to be

Ode To An Unshaken Love

Cradled in the arms of sleep
When I first felt the earth shake
Sensing the tension in you
Leaving the bed in your wake

Trying to make sense of your voice
So faint in the rumble of the ground
Trying to make sense of the night
Looking for help with no one around

And then you turn back to help me out
Nothing but panic in your face
You take my hand and start to run
Rushing out of the collapsing place

You stop just as the roof caves in 
Forcing your arms around me
You’re buried under the debris
Hurting yourself while protecting me

Try as I might to pull you out
The rubble is too heavy for me
Your body cringing in silent pain
Makes me as strong as I can be

Looking right into your dry eyes
I blink fast to hide my damp ones
I'm desperate to save you now
Because you don't cry even once

Finally you shout at me to run away
To save myself in some way
But you're asking too much of me
I cannot leave you and go away

And then I see your body go limp
Crushed to death by the cruel stones
Your fingers no longer warm in my hands
Just a bundle of sticks and bones

And I scream until my throat turns raw
I will never want to leave your side
Closing your blank eyes that stare at me
I finally break down and cry

I find myself lying next to you
Hugging you one last time
Wanting to reach where you are now
So i can lace your fingers with mine

I almost welcome the stones that fall upon me
I want to feel the pain that you felt
Turning to you and kissing your cheeks
While the stones continue to pelt

Beauty

She was breathtakingly beautiful

A shining face in a sea of gray

Hypnotic eyes full of light

No one could ever look away

But the beauty never reached her heart

For she was gloomy and dull inside

Pretty as she was, she was never charming

She couldn’t change, as much as she tried

The other girl had never been as beautiful

Even though she had a heart of gold

She was as charming as one could ever be

But that didn’t matter, she was told

She couldn’t help but envy the other girl

Always feeling inferior in her wake

For no one ever saw past her face

And it was more than she could take

So off she went to the creators of beauty

Those who worshipped flesh and blood

They erased her face, then drew it back on

Fashioned for her a new body out of mud

She was unrecognizable, with unearthly splendor

A new confidence bursting inside of her

But the change had affected more than her skin

And her charm was now just a blur

She became just as gloomy and dull

Just a pretty face devoid of spirit

Her beauty now had a cruel streak

Demeaning everyone wherever it hit

Still no one looked past her face

Even if they did stop to admire

They had erased more than her face

Ripped out her heart and tossed it in fire

Illusions

I know this world is full of illusions
Because nothing is what it seems to be
Every act has painful repercussions
And life provides no chance to flee

When words feel like daggers to the heart
And there is no melody to soothe the ears
Oh, the pain is just a small part
There is nobody to dry the endless tears

Even when I'm hurting all over
I'm somehow immune to the pain
Even if you make me cry
I can hide my tears in the rain

You can't kill me with your words
Just like you can't kill a dead man
And you can't cheat me with your actions
Just like you can't cheat an honest man

So don't even try to break my heart
Maybe you know its already broken
I am no longer affected by you
Or the words that you have spoken

I know this world is full of illusions
And that is exactly what you were
A ghost of my feelings and my thoughts
So close to me but barely there

All I Ever Wanted

When I said I wanted you to listen
You gave me unwanted advice
When I wanted to talk it all out
You said you didn't want to hear my lies

When all I wanted to do was cry
You told me that I was being weak
No, you never asked me why
My eyes just begin to leak

When I told you about my dreams
You told me that I wasn't good enough
Well who are you to say that
You're gonna see how I can be tough

You never gave me what I asked for
And now I'm done being disappointed
Because to love and to be loved
Was all I ever wanted 

Shadows

When I walk in the cold alone
Dark shadows surround me
They keep me warm
They give me company

I ask them about life
But they never answer
I still want to talk to them
And I walk slower

When I go to bed alone
Dark shadows keep me awake
They still don't answer me
And yet I feel no hate

When I wish to be alone
The shadows take me away
When I wish to be gone
They are my escape

And yet sometimes they scare me
When the shadows become insecurities
Their implications are disturbing
They always shatter my beliefs

But when I feel euphoric
The shadows rejoice with me
They have no face, no body
And yet they smile at me

Somehow they never leave my side
They have always been there for me
Still I find it hard to believe
I am the shadows and the shadows are me